Breathe in the Sun

In a room full of people and I still feel like i’m 

Sitting on my bed 

Two lamps 

And soft lights 

Room smelling like my natural incense from when I came out of my mother’s womb

And the bed comforters infused with the balm of yesterday’s pain 

Breathing 

Slowly 

I’m in a room full of people who have hearts as big as the sun for me

Yet only light shines on my outer surface 

Maybe I should present myself to people as broken 

So i can be sun filled 

Breathing 

Faster

And faster because i’m draining from the blood loss 

Because it was me who allowed myself to give all things red 

In a tub that I thought was empty 

But it was already full 

Breathing 

Now 

I take a breath in 

And take breaths out 

Tell me to breathe

But i’m suffocating 

Hands wrapped around my mouth 

Nostrils infused with fluids 

The clouds cry more tears than I ever did 

And i can’t help but to think of you 

I remember 

That night 

We laughed until we couldn’t laugh anymore or when you said you loved me so much 

I was a broken vase

You were the yellow sun that filled me 

But how sad it is for someone to feel loved yet never get the chance to experience what it’s like for someone to be in love

I’m in a room full of people 

And my stomach growls like rolls of thunder 

Yet their ears can’t hear 

Breathing 

Faster 

Again 

I’m sorry

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry I push like a little kid who never seems to get what they want 

Maybe our colors don’t mix 

Who knew that your perfect yellow mixed with my gray 

Painted across the rainy sky didn’t make a masterpiece for you 

Breathing 

Slowly 

Faster 

Now 

Yellow suns 

Don’t always create sunshine after the rain